God Never Forgets About You

The past five months of my life have been busy. The ins and outs of school; studying and passing test, finals, and classes, the ins and outs of different relationships, and the struggles and triumphs that I deal with personally.

I would say that I have learned a lot in the last five months. I have experienced a lot of different accomplishments, a lot of different burdens, and a whole lot of emotions along the way. I am definitely not prepared to share all of this here and now, but I am urged to share one thing right away.

God never forgets about you.

I have always been Christ centered. I have always had my feet firmly planted in the truth that comes from God. I'm a hard worker for Jesus, for his cause, for his house, and for his people. When a trial entered my life, I was never one to blame God; I never thought I was being punished for something I had done wrong; I never once question whether God really extended his love to everyone. Until the past week.

Due to the fact that I had always been faithful, and continue to be faithful to God and my commitments when I am in times of trouble, I began to develop an attitude of entitlement. I thought that everything I had done the past four years or so of my life had earned me a certain title or role. I saw myself more deserving of things than this girl or that guy was. I thought I had "paid my dues" in this season of my life and deserved to move on to the next stage. I admit that I was more than shocked when this realization crashed down on me.

I was tired and I felt alone. Although everyone in close proximity to me had seen me concur those past four years of my life, I felt like no one understood. On more than one occasion I would get upset at Dave on the phone when he would attempt to reason with me. I grew angry with him for feeding me truth and knowledge, instead of the things I wanted to hear. "Why am I not moving forward? I don't understand! Why am I still in the same place I was four years ago?" I would cry at Dave (more than once in a single conversation).

After having the same conversation, over and over and over again, I was ready to quit. I finally uttered the words I never dreamed would come out of my mouth. Why has God forgotten about me? Which was followed by, "Why doesn't God love me anymore?"

Not An Accomplishment- But A Gift.

Ephesians 2:4-9 says, "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

Wait, I knew this already. I can't earn my way to God's love, I have to simply accept that it is a gift from him. No refunds, no exchanges. Last week however, this verse became real to me in other ways.

The things God has called me to and the gifts God has endowed within me is because he loves me, not because I ever proved myself righteous enough to deserve or earn them! Just because I am not seeing the results I wish to be seeing at the moment, does not mean I am not ever going to see them. It doesn't mean God has forgotten me or that he doesn't love me anymore, it means that His timing is perfect, and mine is not.

When I finally let this sink into my heart and process in my mind, I was able to rest peacefully in the fact that I simply am not good enough. Anything I do- no matter how good or righteous, could never be enough to earn or deserve something from our Heavenly Father, but he loves me so deeply that he easily gives it to me, with no questions asked. He knows my best, he knows my worst, and yet he still gives me things I will not ever deserve. 

"Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will act."

Psalm 37:4-5