Family Drama

Over the past few days I have been vacationing with my family in beautiful Cape Cod. I've enjoyed just relaxing, taking walks to the beach with my brother, and chatting with my mom about funny things or whats on our mind. This has all been a huge blessing to just escape from everyday life, and bask in God's wonderful creation- THE BEACH. :)

One thing I have trouble escaping no matter where I am, is stress. When I am invited over to a friends house for dinner, or have the opportunity to take a glance into someone else's life style and family time, I see laughing, joy, peacefulness, and all around a fun time. Now I'm not saying that I am totally unaware of the disagreements families can get into from time to time, I'm just saying that it's far less often then in my family. And the last thing that does is bring a smile to my face.

God has blessed (I say blessed with clenched teeth and a furrow in my brow) with a leader that has an unlimited supply of strongholds. Ever since I was a little girl, I've known my father to be stern, stiff, greedy with money, selfish, and the list could go on. Yes, I know, he's my dad and I should check out my own junk before I point out someone else's, and no I am not condoning judging, I'm just trying to give you an idea of where stress can stem from in my house. 

Sadly, I've never thought of my father as much as a provider. Just today, we were planning out our lunches when we realized we really did not have anything in the fridge to eat. So kindly, my dad offered to take us to the super market and grab some lunch meat to make sandwiches. YES! I'm starving! Only a moment later did my dad realize that there was tuna in the cabinet he could eat for lunch. "But dad, you know I don't like tuna..." I reminded him. "Well find some vegetables to eat with your mother." Immediately I was hurt. He had found something that he could eat and he no longer worried about what his family would eat. Out of anger, I told him that. Which brought him to the conclusion, "I just bought you all dinner last night- sheesh!" Ouch. This is my dad? Where is the sense of providing for his family? Where had it been lost? My father likes to look at spending money going out, or taking us somewhere, as providing for his family. There is a lack of awareness when it comes to tending to others needs (this is where my mother has been overly-supplied). 

You can easily see a stressful situation just by hearing that story. I am embarrassed to say that it happens more than it should. It seems we cannot go through a conversation without something setting off dad. The enemy is using this to literally destroy our family. The more I am put off by his attitude and behavior, the more I get angry at him, the more I become more like him. My mother told me that my father has an uncanny ability to always draw me in; I always bite the bait. I told her that I only speak what everyone else thinks. But this makes me just like him. 

Its sad, because I know the man that is dormant deep within my father's heart. He's kind, creative, imaginative, and funny! There are times when he makes me just bust a gut! :D I love that guy! My brother and I gave him his father's day present- and he actually cried with joy when he opened it! It was so sweet! I just wish that man came out more often. Don't get me wrong- my mother, brother, and I constantly pray for him, constantly pray for an awakening; it's just hard to see one when the person you're praying for is filled with a great amount of self-pride, a great sense of me, myself, and I can do this all alone, with no help needed. 

I wrote this blog today to share a little piece of my life that most people don't know about. I wrote this blog in hopes of reaching out to someone who may be in the same situation. This is one of the toughest things I've had to deal with in my life. It's constant, consistent, and seemingly a never-ending battle. But I know without a shout of doubt that there is a good man living in the heart of my father, and one day he will make himself known, and make himself dominate. I see a spiritual leader, a strong man of God. 

Please keep my father in your prayers as we continue to do so. :)

God Bless!

Carlie  

God Never Forgets About You

The past five months of my life have been busy. The ins and outs of school; studying and passing test, finals, and classes, the ins and outs of different relationships, and the struggles and triumphs that I deal with personally.

I would say that I have learned a lot in the last five months. I have experienced a lot of different accomplishments, a lot of different burdens, and a whole lot of emotions along the way. I am definitely not prepared to share all of this here and now, but I am urged to share one thing right away.

God never forgets about you.

I have always been Christ centered. I have always had my feet firmly planted in the truth that comes from God. I'm a hard worker for Jesus, for his cause, for his house, and for his people. When a trial entered my life, I was never one to blame God; I never thought I was being punished for something I had done wrong; I never once question whether God really extended his love to everyone. Until the past week.

Due to the fact that I had always been faithful, and continue to be faithful to God and my commitments when I am in times of trouble, I began to develop an attitude of entitlement. I thought that everything I had done the past four years or so of my life had earned me a certain title or role. I saw myself more deserving of things than this girl or that guy was. I thought I had "paid my dues" in this season of my life and deserved to move on to the next stage. I admit that I was more than shocked when this realization crashed down on me.

I was tired and I felt alone. Although everyone in close proximity to me had seen me concur those past four years of my life, I felt like no one understood. On more than one occasion I would get upset at Dave on the phone when he would attempt to reason with me. I grew angry with him for feeding me truth and knowledge, instead of the things I wanted to hear. "Why am I not moving forward? I don't understand! Why am I still in the same place I was four years ago?" I would cry at Dave (more than once in a single conversation).

After having the same conversation, over and over and over again, I was ready to quit. I finally uttered the words I never dreamed would come out of my mouth. Why has God forgotten about me? Which was followed by, "Why doesn't God love me anymore?"

Not An Accomplishment- But A Gift.

Ephesians 2:4-9 says, "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

Wait, I knew this already. I can't earn my way to God's love, I have to simply accept that it is a gift from him. No refunds, no exchanges. Last week however, this verse became real to me in other ways.

The things God has called me to and the gifts God has endowed within me is because he loves me, not because I ever proved myself righteous enough to deserve or earn them! Just because I am not seeing the results I wish to be seeing at the moment, does not mean I am not ever going to see them. It doesn't mean God has forgotten me or that he doesn't love me anymore, it means that His timing is perfect, and mine is not.

When I finally let this sink into my heart and process in my mind, I was able to rest peacefully in the fact that I simply am not good enough. Anything I do- no matter how good or righteous, could never be enough to earn or deserve something from our Heavenly Father, but he loves me so deeply that he easily gives it to me, with no questions asked. He knows my best, he knows my worst, and yet he still gives me things I will not ever deserve. 

"Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will act."

Psalm 37:4-5 

English Assignment #1, A Life Lesson

A Life Lesson

I’ve watched how some people act; I’ve watched how they treat people, I’ve heard their words. People have a tendency to be blunt and rude right to someone’s face. They believe just because we are not in kindergarten anymore, just because we are "adults", name-calling or verbal abuse does not sting like it used to, (or at least it shouldn’t) and if it does then we need to grow up. Incidentally, it more often than not hurts more now. It hurts more because we have developed into the person we have chosen to be. We want to be liked for the person we are, and when someone of equal, or seeming to be equal, maturity knocks us down a peg, we take it as a personal attack to our character.

It breaks my heart to watch someone be treated with dishonor and disrespect. It breaks my heart to know that there are people out there who don’t care or consider a person’s feelings. Why have they not grasped the concept that it is not okay to treat people unkindly? Are they not aware that the old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is false? Sadly, not everyone has the confidence and the affirmation that they are perfectly and wonderfully made, and the only way a person will ever know this is if someone reaches out to them and shows them the love and kindness they deserve.

I can say all of this with complete confidence because I have been there. I’ve felt the venom of harsh words and the sting of being the punch line of a joke. I’ve spent my share of nights crying and questioning my worth. I’ve spent fifth grade to tenth grade wondering why I was the one no one liked. I will never be the reason for someone to experience that pain.

The truth is we are all perfectly imperfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We are the same but different; that’s what makes us so unique! No one was made a copy, no one was made identical. Since this is absolute truth, I feel no entitlement to ever tear someone down because of who they are, I have no reason to. I only feel entitled to make a priority to share love and kindness. I’ve learned from experience.

What I Learned From Ruth

I took the last few nights to open my bible up to the Old Testament, (a place I rarely visit) in hopes of hearing God's voice in a way I have never heard. Being a woman, I decided to find out a bit more about the women of the bible, starting with Ruth. When I began to read her story, I literally felt as though I was just reading a story. I was not getting much out of the words on the paper and I had a difficult time relating to any of it. That is one of the reasons I never open to the Old Testament much; however knowing the bible is truth and absolute truth, I gave Ruth another chance. I prayed over Ruth's story and asked God to connect me in some way to this woman. I needed an attachment or else I would never learn anything from her. I started Ruth's story from the beginning again.

1 In the days when the judges ruled,[a] there was a famine in the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab. 2 The man’s name was Elimelek, his wife’s name was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to Moab and lived there.
 3 Now Elimelek, Naomi’s husband, died, and she was left with her two sons. 4 They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth. After they had lived there about ten years, 5 both Mahlon and Kilion also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband.

Mahlon and Kilion died ten years later, leaving Naomi, Orpah, and Ruth alone. I immediately felt heartache for those women. I know for sure if I was left alone like that I would feel lost for quite some time, perhaps that is why Ruth did what she did.

Naomi had heard that back in Judah, the Lord had blessed his people again by giving them good crops, so the three women prepared to head back to Naomi's homeland.

8 Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the LORD show you kindness, as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me. 9 May the LORD grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.” Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud 10 and said to her, “We will go back with you to your people.” 11 But Naomi said, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands? 12 Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— 13 would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the LORD’s hand has turned against me!”

Orpah said goodbye to Naomi and went on her way. Ruth on the other hand refused to leave Naomi.

 16 But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” 

When Naomi saw how determined Ruth was to stay, she could say no more.

And that is how Ruth's story begins.

1 Now Naomi had a relative on her husband’s side, a man of standing from the clan of Elimelek, whose name was Boaz. 2 And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor.”
5 Boaz asked the overseer of his harvesters, “Who does that young woman belong to?” 6 The overseer replied, “She is the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi."

And Ruth found favor in his eyes.

8 So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me. 9 Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.” 10 At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She asked him, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me?"

What I love about Ruth is that she is discovering and obeying God (and not her own original god, might I add), all because she is obeying godly people who worship the one and true God. In chapter 1 she remained faithful to Naomi (a godly woman) and came to Bethlehem where she met Boaz (a godly man) who took care of her and fed her and gave her water to drink and a field to reap a harvest in. She later goes on to marry Boaz and therefore, marrying into Christ's gene pool. I find this so interesting. A woman who knew not much of God, but was a servant at heart, grew to know God and be blessed by him by honoring and obeying the instructions of the God's people.

I can relate to Ruth because I feel a special connection to God when I obey and listen to instruction and guidance from other godly people. Like Ruth, I come to know God more and more each time I serve or spend time with His people.

And that just goes to show how important our roles as believers are. Someone like Ruth, with the heart of a servant or the attribute of a good listener, may come into my path one day and I can only pray that I have the strength and direction from God to guide them onto the path to discover Christ.

"If they obey and serve Him, they shall spend their days in prosperity and their years in pleasantness and joy."

Job 36:11

Matthew 17:20

"I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."

Matt. 17:20

Anna had been doing soccer that summer and was always coming home from practices with bumps and scrapes, all healing within a reasonable amount of time. In the fall, fourteen year old Anna went with her parents to the doctor to get a bruised looked at that just wouldn't seem to go away. They didn't think it was anything serious but they didn't know what to expect. At the end of September, Anna's doctor diagnosed her with a type of cancer called Leukemia. That Friday, Anna was sent to St. Judes hospital to get more test done to see how severe the cancer actually was. Her parents were beyond scared and feared for their daughters young life. On Sunday, Anna and her parents went to Church as normal; that day her Pastor reminded her of a verse in the bible- Matthew 17:20 that spoke of faith that could move mountains. "With this type of faith," Anna's Pastor said, "Nothing would be impossible." Anna knew she was blessed to have even fourteen years of life and knew she'd be blessed with many more years. She downloaded Matthew 17:20 in her heart and grew stronger and stronger in her faith everyday. She believed God could heal her no matter what condition she was in. Regardless of her circumstance, Anna knew that her God was stronger than any earthly disease. 

On Tuesday morning, Anna returned to the doctors to get her test results back. Baffled, her doctors explained that they could not find any trace of cancer. They did a second set of test and got the same answer. Anna was cancer free. 

How are we living our lives today?

Are we living in a "Nothing Is Impossible" mindset? Or are we still believing the lies of this fallen world? God can make the impossible possible. Any stronghold can be broken and any mountain can be moved.